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September 11, 2017

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I am not my mess, I am enough.

October 29, 2019

Did you know that all the BE ME clothing designs are created from my story and with specific meaning to me?  Here’s a little insight about how I feel about being ENOUGH.

 

So, My sweats are a little to tight,

And I’m not sure when they were last washed.

My hair is messed up from laying in bed trying to take a nap.

A nap didn’t happen because I couldn’t turn off my brain.

My To-do list is out of control.

Yesterdays eyeliner accentuates the permanent bags under my eyes.

My kitchen is a mess of dishes I don’t have the energy to tackle right now.

The dust bunnies have become a dust colony.  

The bills are piled up and so has the laundry.

I got another disconnect notice for my utilities.

I’m working multiple jobs to make ends meet while I build Be ME Clothing.

I don’t see my kids as often as I would like.

I have a lot of Single-mom guilt.

I don’t have a hot meal cooked for them most nights.

We eat way more Mac and cheese and cereal then I care to admit.

I haven’t been to the gym in months.

I’m not tired, I’m exhausted.

I drive a 14 year old car with headlights that are duct taped on,

That car makes all kinds of sounds that screams repairs I don’t have money for. And my  “The-ways-I-suck” checklist is long.

Any of you that think I have it all together, I don’t.    

 

Normally I‘d admit that I am a true hot mess, but I’m not.  We make ourselves the joke before anyone else can, and sometimes we wear that negative label as a badge of honor.  It’s become to societal normal to focus on our flaws and our failures.   We see the lies we’ve told ourselves about what's wrong with us way before ever thinking about the awesomeness that make up the essence of who we are. Right now things are messy and difficult, but I am NOT the mess, I am Enough, even on days I forget.   I am enough even though things are SO far from perfect.   I am enough even though some days the negative outweighs the positive.   I’m enough even though the overwhelm and burden seem too much to carry by myself. But mostly I’m enough because I am so much more then my mess, and so are you. Here’s what we forget.....THERE IS NO CHECK LIST and WE DON’T NEED THE APPROVAL FROM ANYONE to be enough.  It’s time to look inside and acknowledge our divinity.  It’s time to look inside and see our greatness.  There are so many words that could be used to describe who we are and why we are such incredible beings, but here are a few I choose to be on the Be ME Clothing ‘Enough’  Reflection Expression graphic T.      

 

Beautiful:  It sounds so conceited to say that I’m beautiful.  In fact most days I would describe myself as ugly.   I struggle with loving the image I see in the mirror and that's one reason I designed this Enough shirt.  On days when I don’t feel it or believe it, seeing the word ENOUGH on my body and in my reflection is a reminder to come back to what I know.  I’m a constant work in progress, and there is beauty in trying.  But I can say with confidence that there is beauty in my soul.  I’m over flowing with compassion, love and empathy.  I would willingly give my last dollar away, (and I have).  And I ask more than I should “what can I do for you.”   Serving and loving others is what I do, it’s who I am.  Love is free and giving it away selflessly is a beautiful thing.  

Strong:  Theres a lot to be said about physical strength, and I’m grateful that I have a healthy body capable of doing physical labor, but my true strength comes from within.  I am Warrior!  A warrior is known for their character and strength.  Somedays the weight of the burden I carry alone is soul crushing.  Somedays I simply want the pain to end but it is the character of the warrior to push forward and fight the battles days after day.     I am strong because I push forward through the hard stuff.  The burden I carry is heavy, but regardless I carry on. I’m strong because I won’t give up.  

Courageous:  I’m courageous when I take that leap of faith and do things that scare the hell out of me.  Jumping out of an airplane was pretty courageous, but I think single mother hood has been the most courageous and difficult thing I have ever done.  It’s the very thing I feared the most.  The fear of single motherhood kept me in an unsafe and toxic relationship for far longer then I should have.  So here I am, scared and alone.  Every day I face new and overwhelming challenges but I choose to courageously move forward into the unknown with faith that God will guide me.  Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the act of continuously moving forward.  Occasionally I have to remind myself that even a baby step forward is a move in the right direction.      

Powerful:  There is great power in womanhood.  There’s no doubt that the fact that our bodies have the ability to give life is powerful, but so is being able to stand in our power, to use our voice and to create change.  There is great power when we come together to support one another.  There is power in the words we use when we speak to ourselves.  When I design a new shirt I use the power of words.  It is powerful to look in the mirror and see those words on our bodies reflected back, to reminded us how significant and important we are.   There is great power when we give ourselves permission to love ourselves, as we are.        

Original:  In this carbon copy society, it’s the unique and nontraditional that stand out.  There is authenticity in being original.  I am uniquely myself, irreplaceable, I could never be duplicated.  There will never be another me or you again and the world needs all of us, just as we are even when things are messy.  

Worthy:  My mess comes with a fair amount of emotional trauma that left me feeling worthless, used and disposable.  Worthy is not a word i would have used to describe myself.  It’s been a long painful road to undo years of abuse and lies I believed about myself.   But with that long painful road there was growth and I found strength that I didn’t know existed.  This journey has brought insight and meaning to the most painful situations and...... I’m grateful or them. I AM worthy! I AM WORTHY OF ALL THE HAPPINESS AND LOVE THIS WORLD HAS TO OFFER. There are no check lists, justifications, qualifications, mistakes, experiences, failures or circumstance that could make me, or you, unworthy or worthless.

My worth comes from inside.

My worth comes from God.

My worth comes from the knowledge that I have value and something to give back. And that’s the purpose behind Be ME Clothing, to give back.

 

So today I gave my clothes the sniff test to see if I could get away with wearing one more day and my kids ate cookies for breakfast. It’s my truth, and sometimes it’s messy. Regardless, I’m enough. I’m so enough that I’ll take a nap and I’ll let the dust bunnies procreate as they wish, while I’m over here being grateful for what I have and soaking in the awesomeness of who I am. Things are messy, but I am not the mess. I’m Enough......(And so are YOU)!

 

 

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