Warning: Vulnerable, raw honesty of sexual assault. Possible trigger. Proceed with caution.
I’ve been a little MIA, I’m sorry. I've had some pretty heavy things weighing on my heart. We all go through periods that are hard, but I truly believe that together we are stronger and so I want to share some of my thougths today. i know I’m not alone in this.
Did you know each of the Be ME clothing designs have personal meaning. The warrior design is extremely meaningful to me and has brought a lot of clarity and personal strength. This is the story of that design.
I refuse to be called a victim, and I refuse to be called a survivor. Either label allows the rape and assault that occurred one years ago January 31, 2018 to be a defining moment.
Not the assault where I was pulled down the stairs.
Not the assault that resulted in a torn biceps tendon as I fought hard to get away.
Not the assault that left bruises on my body.
Not the forced violation of my body.
Not the forensic exam that followed after my body was used.
Not the morning after pill and antibiotics I was give to prevent or stall any disease that could have been contracted.
Not the humiliating and intrusive process of having pictures and swabs taken from the most intimate and violated parts of my body.
Not putting my clothing in a paper bag.
Not the numbness or the emptiness I felt as I was dropped off at home and left alone to process and face the horror I’d been through.
Not the subsequent surgery and 6 months off work I faced.
Not the memories, flashbacks or triggers that come out of nowhere.
I refuse to let those things on the most horrific day of my life define me. I refuse to give that monster one more second of my life.
I also refuse to be silent. Speaking out is terrifying. The thought of the social judgement that comes with speaking out kept me silent. In silence the shame and guilt compound. Speaking out also gives a clear picture of the truth. Sexual assault is so much more than a single vile act. I’m speaking out because the more we talk about it we validate and heal others, I heal myself. I’m speaking out to let others know they aren’t alone.
I choose to be called a Warrior. A warrior is not defined by one moment. A warrior shows up and fight battles day after day. Some battles are won and some are lost. A warrior is strong and brave, confident and wise, teachable and humble. A warrior is defined by their character and strength.
I am not a survivor. I am not a victim.
I AM A WARRIOR AND I FIGHT LIKE A GIRL.